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Oh Yeah That’s Why I Love My Xbox 360

Dear Xbox,

I need to apologize to you. I’ve been unfaithful lately. I was tempted by the alluring look and sex appeal of your younger, more expensive rival the PS3. I gave into the come-hither look of that little hand waving minx that is the Wii. They were new, they were hot. You were my companion for 18 months and I was bored, restless and looking for a little action. It seemed like you weren’t that into me this summer so my mind wandered, my fingers strayed.

What can I say? I’m not proud of myself. Maybe I was just a it tired of your non-stop whining when I played a game. You have to admit you are a little loud. When you spin up a game, you’re voice sounds like an airplane taking off. It got to be a little distracting. The PS3 was so quiet, so eager to just play and just let me focus on my pleasure that I was seduced. Silly me; didn’t I realize that a quiet girl is often a boring girl. Sure maybe you’re a bit loud, but at least you have something to say.

I admit that I liked the hand action of the Wii. Her technique was so good that for a while I could forget that she was ugly as a dog. But you know what dear, after a while she was a one trick pony. Sure it was fun while it lasted, but she has no depth, no substance. Maybe she’s fine for a casual one-night stand but not for any long term lovin.

I know I almost blew it with you. You could have gave me the cold shoulder and threw a red light at my makeup attempts. You saw me playing with those other two and should have been jealous. Instead you went out and reminded me why I loved you in the first place. First you started to warm things up a little with Dirt. It was so well done that I forgot that I’m not that big of a racing games fan. Not only did it look so good and play so well, you brought it to me before anyone else could. You’re always doing things like that.

If that had been it, I might have been happy, but when you decide to keep your man, you decide to keep him. You pulled out all the stops. You threw out Bioshock to WOW me. There just aren’t words to describe how hot you were that night. So beautiful, so smart and so so sexy. Who wouldn’t run back to your embrace? Nothing says I love you like unleashing a jet of burning plasmids at some splicers face. Whose youre Big Daddy baby? I am, I am!

But lover, I have to say I’m not as young as I once was. You’re wearing me out with all of your enthusiasm. I guess it took you a little bit to really hit your peak, but now it’s almost nonstop gaming goodness. After the Rapture that was Bioshock, you bring me Blue Dragon. Sure it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but you know my tastes. It’s perfect. To top it off you threw in a super fast 60fps version of Madden 08 so that i can actually see the Browns win this year. Honey you made my heart swell up like the Grinch on Christmas Day.

You could have stopped (maybe should have) but you didn’t. Before I could turn around and catch my breath, there you go waving Medal of Honor under my nose. Next you’re flashing the Call of Duty 4 beta at me (oh my God how hot). And of course, to top it off, you’re promising to make my dreams come true in 12 days when we go off and finish the fight. Baby it’s almost too much of a good thing. Almost. I’ll stock up on the Red Bull to try and keep up with you. Bring it On!

I’ve learned my lesson I swear. What the others have in flash and sass, you more than make up for in style and substance. From now on I’ll be happy to just hold your sturdy controller in my hand and lose myself to your charms. I love you Xbox. Thank you for putting up with me.

Yours

Tom

(PS - I forgive you for trying Two Worlds. I know you thought it was a can’t miss move since I loved Oblivion. It’s not your fault that the game was so horrible. I think it actually made my brain dumber. Not every idea can be a great one. Hey at least you didn’t try to convince me that Lair was good)

For the record the author has all three Next gen consoles plus a PSP and DS. He isn’t a fanboy of any platorm or company because a good game is a good game no matter who his momma is.


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19 Comments in 19 threads.»

Pages: [2] 1 » Show All

Comment by Ocho Cinco 85
2007-11-02 20:04:48

Hey great post man! I found this facebook application for all you madden fans i hop you guys will like it. Ive been using it for about 3 days now and its cool but it needs more fans. Anyone here have Xbox live? Im looking for some more people to demolish. Here is the link Madden 08 Fan Club

 
Comment by cloprfish
2007-09-21 07:51:11

I do not have a 360, but have spent a good deal of time at my brother’s house on his, I have a PS3 and a Wii, both of which have their good qualities. The only thing that I think is odd is that the really good games for the 360 (DiRT, Bioshock, etc) have all recently come out, which means that, by that rule, the PS3 has a good year before it needs to really release their console defining games. As for me, all 3 systems are fun depending on what you are doing, and I still prefer the Playstation style controller.

 
Comment by Wolf26pack Subscribed to comments via email
2007-09-15 19:24:12

At first I found it a little disturbing but then found it to be more funny than disturbing. I admit the 360 has many good games out but we must all remember that the PS3 is coming into its own with games like you mentioned

Warhawk,Heavenly Sword,Uncharted Drakes Fortune,Ratchet & Clank Future: ToD,Haze etc etc etc.. and I am sure more will be annoucned soon like you said above Compition is a good thing for us gamers because it makes the developers work as hard as possible on the games they are making for each respective system.

 
Comment by manapp99
2007-09-15 11:34:23

X-Box 360 is great…when it works. Ours has gotten so bad it craps out after 3 holes of TW Golf unless we sit in on ice packs. Then we can get a round and 1/2. We called MS and they did not want to replace it until we tried some tricks. It is time to send the coffin to send it back and have it repaired. 3-6 weeks without the console.

 
Pingback by Gamers Lore : Xbox Love Letter, Nice Read Made Me Laugh
 
Comment by otakugamergt
2007-09-14 19:40:58

Very funny… great work!!!
360 Rocks!!!

 
Comment by jaime
2007-09-14 18:58:49

Oh, TOM…
not every gay forgive his man when he cheat him with a girl.
i hope your lover forgive you, for play with girls.

 
Comment by admin
2007-09-14 14:51:20

LordBob I hear you man, I hear you.

All Hail the Chief. All Hail the Champ. Viva Xbox baby, Viva Xbox…

 
Pingback by A Love Letter to the Xbox 360
2007-09-14 14:39:05

[…] Via Bring It On! […]

 
Comment by LordBOB777
2007-09-14 14:38:02

Thank you 360 for being there on those lonely rainy nights when nothing was to be seen on tv. You have truely made my life worth living.

I know i abandoned you in your time of need these last few months, but i just want to let you know what absence makes the heart grow fonder. You are the one for me, and im glad you are so forgiving.

No more cold nights for you. From now on i will hold you nightly and let our warmth spew forth. When we the chief comes back into our lives you better be ready to get your world rocked. Sleepless nights will be common now. Rest. while. you. can.

Always loving you,
Your man

P.S. Those wh***s PS3 and Wii have nothing on you. You are the true champion and i love you

 
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